The Roads We Travel

We drove east through the Smokies, the sun bleeding out over the top of the trees as it sank slowly on that August afternoon. Maeve sat next to me and I slipped my fingers under her dress and behind the rope that I’d tied between her legs, giving it a gentle pull. Her mouth fell open as the rope tightened and the knot that I’d made rubbed against her pussy over her pink panties. She sat back against the seat and spread her legs for me as she looked a little bashfully at the cars passing around us.

That morning before we’d left the motel, I’d tied the rope around her waist and between her legs while she smiled at me, happy about it and proud of it. We’d driven for miles that way and I knew that she wanted to be played with. When we stopped at a rest stop, she snapped a picture of herself, tucking that moment away for later. Back in the car we kissed and it made me want her so badly, just as it always does.

We rolled through the mountains and I kept one hand on the wheel using the other to tease and torment her, pulling at the rope between her legs and running my fingers over the outline of her sex as I felt her starting to soak through her panties. I reached into the bag behind my seat and pulled out the vibrating wand; her smile widening when she saw it. I turned it on and pressed it against the rope between her legs, watching her eyes fall shut.

Cars and trucks passed us as I ran the vibrator across the rope. She leaned against the window and gripped the seat, spreading her legs in want and raising herself up when I teased her by pulling the vibrator a little out of reach.

“Can I please come” she asked and I said nothing.

“Please” she asked again, with a growing urgency in her voice.

Maeve isn’t allowed to come without permission and I like to take her as close as possible to breaking the rule as I can before I give it to her. 

“Please may I come!” She said a third time.

“Come for me now” I  said to her and she moaned, letting go of the orgasm she’d been barely keeping at bay, sinking into the seat.

She leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder, wrapping both of her arms around one of mine. I could smell the wind in her hair when I kissed the top of her head and I could feel her smile grow as she pressed her lips to my skin.

I reveled in the feeling of that new relationship taking shape as we continued east through the mountains. Everything felt natural with Maeve, even the spur of the moment road trip that we were on. We’d only been on a handful of dates when I  brought up the potential of taking it myself.

“Do you want a road trip buddy?” she’d asked and I could feel myself falling fast, having already contemplated asking her to come with. We pulled the trip together in a very short amount of time and having her there with me on a road in the middle of nowhere felt like a lucid dream.

We rolled on through the mountains, listening to Holly Randall’s podcast about adult entertainment as the day faded away. Under a clear nights sky, we told stories and held hands, playing each other music and sometimes singing along to the radio.

It’d been a long time since anyone made me feel anything other than passing fascination and I wasn’t expecting how quickly and heavily I was falling for Maeve. There were plenty of times when my head told my heart to slow down, but my heart’s never been the reasonable type.

It’d also been a while since I’d seen anyone non-monogamously. It was taking some getting used to, to feel like I wasn’t asking too much too soon. In the moments when I pulled back a little because of that, Maeve was there to pull me forward again.

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After All These Years

 

October-All those Years Ago

The room was dark and the music was a little too loud, just like it always is in strip clubs. They pump as much excitement into the air as they can, hoping that it’ll make people open their wallets for expensive drinks and lap dances. I  saw Riley from across the room, our eyes meeting the second that I passed through the door; she was who I was there to see.

Riley hugged me and took my face in her hands for a moment before I took a seat in the chair and she took one on my lap. She has long dark hair, pale skin and smoky eyes; her typically warm smile seemed to be weighed down a little by something that night, but I didn’t quite understand just then what it was.

She ran her fingers through my hair and was affectionate, but something felt different; she touched me the way that you do when you have something hard to tell someone that you care about. I felt that something to say coming and I could feel my heart beat a little faster while I waited for her to be ready to say it. She leaned in close, whispering over the music and the noise, her face out of view.

“I got married today” she said and I closed my eyes, trying to let those words sink in.

I knew she was engaged; she told me when her boyfriend came back to town that they had. It was an effort to save their on again, off again relationship and it was what she felt she was supposed to do. We’d spent a lot of time together while he was away and even though we kept respectable boundaries, there were so many times when it had been a challenge for both of us. There was always something unspoken between us and if I’d ever doubted that before, it was plain as day in the face of that news.

She sat back and looked at me; I studied her face and I  saw all sorts of things, but happiness wasn’t one of them. She smoothed my hair down from where her fingers had been in it as we both tried to figure out what to do and what to say. I offered my congratulations and wished her well, which I’m not sure was what she really wanted from me but it’s what you are supposed to say when you hear what should be good news. There wasn’t much else either of us could say; we both knew that we’d missed our moment and saying it out loud wasn’t going to make anything easier for either of us. We looked at each other and did our best to smile like we meant it.

**

Four Months Ago

Riley texted me on a Saturday evening, when it just so happened that we were both back in town on the same day. She sent me a message saying that she was going back to the club to work for the night and that I should come out and see her if I was up for it.

I’d given her my number via social media and I wasn’t sure that she would use it. It’d been a long time since I’d seen her and I wasn’t sure if she was just being polite when she told me that I should tell her if I came back to that town where neither of us really lived in anymore. When she texted me that she was here, I was surprised and I  knew that I had to see her. I walked the dozen or so blocks from where I was staying and I  found myself back in a room that on the surface hadn’t really changed since that night eight years ago when she told me that she was married.

She led me out on to the courtyard and we sat beneath the nights sky while we caught up. There were lights strung between the buildings and a slow night meant that there were a handful of others dancers sitting out there smoking, waiting for customers to come in.

A lot’s happened since then, for both of us. I’ve been in and out of relationships; she’s gotten divorced and had a baby. We’ve both done a lot of living since then and lot’s of things have changed, but there was an instant comfort in being near her that proved to me that some things never do.

We talked for a while before she had to go back inside and work and it often felt like old times. When the subject of what happened all those years ago came up, we both shied away from it a little and found ourselves in a silent moment.

“I think I’ll always love you in some way” , she said and I knew just how she felt; she’d just been the braver of us for having said it out loud.

I left that night feeling like it might be the last time I saw her, but I hoped that wouldn’t be the case. In the days to come I texted her, telling her when I extended my stay once, twice more but slowly I started to believe that was the end of our story.

***

This Friday Past

 I was surprised when I heard from her again early on a Saturday morning a few weeks ago. We met up briefly that day and again this past Friday, before she went in to work. I sat at the bar with her while she put on her makeup and we caught up on each others lives. I told her about Maeve and the struggles I was having navigating non monogamy with her and she told me about the last person she’d dated.

“Oh! Listen to this: my ex texted me today and reminded me that eight years ago today, we got married.” she said.

The timing was uncanny, as I’d just been working on this post before I left the house to meet her and that day eight years ago was heavily on my mind.

“I didn’t want to tell you” she said of that long ago night.

“There was unhappiness all over your face and that’s what made me sad. If we couldn’t be together, I at least wanted you to be happy” I admitted for the first time.

“That’s the thing though, I wasn’t sure that we couldn’t be together.” she said, which was both wonderful and heartbreaking to hear.

We fell into a little silence then, one that broke when the bartender came by and asked us if we needed anything. It wasn’t long after that she told me she had to go; she paid for my drink when she settled her own tab and we left the bar together.

“I’ve got to go get lashes, do you want to walk with me?” she asked.

“I’ll take any excuse I can get to spend a little more time with you” I  said. She smiled, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye.

Inside the costume shop she talked about her daughter and their plans for Halloween. We walked through the isles together before she asked the man behind the counter for the lashes that she needed. I watched her; the way she moved, the way she spoke to others, the way that she looked at me. It made me happy and also a little sad at the same time; just like it always had.

She paid for the things that she bought and as we walked toward the door, she reached out and ran her fingers through the back of my long hair. I  closed my eyes for an instant and felt like time had folded, bringing those eight years together into one moment.

She apologized for doing it and I didn’t have the right words just then to tell her how much that little tenderness meant to me. Out in the streets we talked as I walked her toward the place where I knew that we had to part company;  she was headed to the strip club and I  was headed to the movies with a friend. She put her arm on my shoulder playfully as we walked; I liked that closeness and even the ache that it made me feel.

“It’s funny how full circle these last eight years have brought us” I  said.

“I can’t think of anyone that I’d rather be with today” she said as we both smiled at the ground.

We got to the corner where we were going to part ways and she put her hand up for an awkward  high five as I  said goodbye. Our fingers intertwined for a split second as we started to pull away and she looked down bashfully as she walked away. I  continued on down the street and looked back, catching one last glimpse of her before she was swallowed up by the crowd.

In my heart a forgotten ache turned over and wrapped itself up into a feeling of new want, twisting again and again, making it hard to tell one from the other. I  also couldn’t quite tell if we were picking up the thread or finding a more fitting end to what happened in the past. I  don’t know what she feels, but I  know how I do when I’m with her or when I feel her fingers in my hair.

 

When You Wake

She picked me up from the airport on a scorching Friday afternoon. My flight was delayed by a day returning from a work trip and when she offered for a second time to come and pick me up at the airport, I’d accepted.

She threw her arms around me and I  wrapped mine around her waist, burying my face into her neck as I squeezed just a little too tightly. I breathed her in and she smelled like summer and happiness and a little bit of longing. Cars passed all around us and people rushed past us at the end of their own trips, but none of that mattered when I  held her in my arms and kissed her the kiss I’d been waiting for days for.

The ride back to the city was one that I’d taken plenty of times, but I can’t recall a detail about anything that we passed that day because I was too caught up in the happiness of just being close to her. We talked while she drove and I ran my fingers over her legs as I looked at her and reveled in how fortunate I was to be with her. I  watched the effect of my touch as my fingers ran across her pale skin, up under the edge of her shorts, touching the fabric of her panties.She had me in a perpetual state of wanting and I had to slow my hands, my mouth, my words from raging like a wildfire when I was near her because I wanted her, again and again and always.

We hadn’t known each other for very long then, but I’d felt that longing viscerally the moment that I laid eyes on her. It caught me off guard and I didn’t know what to do with it at first because I remembered suddenly what it was like to want and it felt like suddenly catching ahold of a piece of a dream that you’d forgotten you had.

The first time that I met her, she’d come to the apartment that I was staying in with the friend that I was renting it from. I opened the door to greet Quinn expecting him to be alone, but when he stepped aside I saw her framed in the doorway with the midday sun shining behind her. He introduced me to her as his girlfriend Maeve as she glided into the apartment and melted into the couch, peeking up at us every now and then over her phone as we talked.

I  can picture the angle of her legs as she sat there and remember vividly how differently the room felt with the two of them in it.

Just a moment before it had been a quiet, sleepy place and now every time either of them moved I felt a rumble run through me like thunder rolling in from a distance on a hot August afternoon.

Quinn had lived there with his wife Fiona and now the lot of them lived together with one other person in a blissfully open home. They’d all shared time together in the apartment we were standing in and while they were all ever present there, but I’d never felt it as acutely as I did just then. I felt for a moment like I was trespassing in Quinn’s life; sleeping in his bed at night and then this immediate and intense attraction to Maeve. 

I’d known Quinn for years and we’d shared enough between us that perhaps it was foolish to feel that way, but as it stood it would take some time of thinking about it carefully (and seeing her with him again) before I asked for his blessing to see her. He stopped by to get the mail one day and as he walked down the steps to go, I  pulled the trigger and asked hesitantly if he would be ok with it, ready to respect his wishes if he said no. He came back up and gave me a hug and said yes, laying those fears to rest. Still, I thought about it for almost a week before I reached out to her.

I added her on Facebook and sent her a message, feeling like I was asking for a first date a second time after having asked Quinn’s permission to do so. She responded a few hours later and by the end of the week, we met for dinner for the first time.

She met me at Quinn’s old apartment and we took a car service from there to one of her favorite places, which was on the other side of town. When I    opened the car door to let Maeve in, we noticed the beadwork that covered nearly ever inch of the interior and the drivers pride in it set an instantly fun tone to the ride over. He drove erratically, looking back over his shoulder at us as he raced us toward our destination and complained about how no one in this state knows how to drive. All the chaos was somehow all very amusing with Maeve beside me.

The sun was still high in the summer sky when we took our seat inside the restaurant: it still felt a little surreal to be there with her. Looking across the table at her I felt incredibly fortunate to be with her; I looked into her bright, shiny eyes and I felt like I could get lost in them for the rest of my life. When she smiled her warm smile her eyes smiled too and again she was almost too beautiful for me to look at.
The conversation over dinner took all kinds of twists and turns and the more I got to see of her, the more fascinated I was by her. She’s smart and thoughtful and caring, but there is a dirty side to her that’s hard to see through her shine, but in those moments that she showed it to me, it made me want her even more.
She has a kind of innocent shine about her that she sometimes likes to smudge by saying fantastically filthy things. She can look at you with a sweet smile and tell you things that she wants you to do to her and even if you’ve never considered those things before, you want to do every single one of them to her, for her, with her.
 
We talked about sex parties and movies and what it was like growing up and every story brought me closer to the picture of who she was. The way that she looked at me made me want to kiss her and as we paid the bill, I really hoped that when the moment came she would let me.
 
We took another car back to my apartment and I  considered just how to ask her to come inside but when we arrived she climbed the steps to the door without a word. 
We sat on the couch and talked for a while before I asked her what she wanted to do. She smiled at me with and I knew what she would say before she said it, but I wanted to hear it.
 
“I was hoping you would tie me up”, she said.

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