A Conversation with Jay Taylor

Jay Taylor at the ATMLA booth at AVN

While touring the AVN Expo in January, I was overwhelmed by the number of individual performers greeting fans and signing autographs at booths in the massive show halls. These were women (and a few men!) who had a rabid fanbase lined up to meet them and talk away from the major crowds at the brand booths. Jay Taylor was one of the most dedicated – I saw her a few days in a row, and caught myself staring at her relaxed presence at the ATMLA booth because she looked so approachable and real.

Look, I know there is no specific porn star type! But there are a few molds, and Jay breaks all of them. She looked like the girl next door I would definitely have a crush on. Finally, I decided to quit being weird and go ask for a photo. We got to talking, and I was immediately convinced everyone should be her fan. Jay was just as weird as me. Naturally, we discussed immersive sex therapy, dirty wizards and lesbian ghosts.

ESME: Was porn an industry you sought out, or did you happen upon it?

JAY TAYLOR: I kinda slippery-sloped on in. I started as a [mainstream] model, and from there, started camming, because I wasn’t making any money modeling. And when you start saying, “oh, I’ll just masturbate for people,” it leads to, “oh, I’ll pose nude…I’ll masturbate in this photo…I’ll eat a vagina.”

E: One thing leads to another.

JT: It’s just an extra step. It’s only a little bit different than what I’m already doing. And then you end up doing DPs.

E: Yeah!

JT: It’s like oh, how’d they get there?

E: Those tricky dicks! Cool. Were you in a relationship when you started working?

JT: Yes.

E: Okay. How does non-monogamy in your professional life shape your personal relationships?

JT: Our rules are: we’re completely monogamous together, except very rarely when we have off-camera threesomes. All of our sex that’s not within our relationship is on-camera. So that’s like, a hard and fast rule. I don’t go have sex off-camera after a scene. The camera is the “go” sign.

E: Gotcha. I like that. How would you describe your aesthetic and how you approach sex in your scenes?

JT: I’m just me. I tried to play the porn game for a couple years, and it didn’t work at all, because there’s 3,000 girls playing the porn game, so I just stopped. And I do this now. *gestures to Hogwarts t-shirt and ripped jeans*

E: And this is great, because this gets attention too. It got mine.

JT: And the guys who are my fans- it’s a smaller base, but they’re fucking ravenous, because I’m just Jay. When I talk to them as myself, they’re like, “oh my god, you’re so cool,” so why would I lie? I don’t like that. It’s me being honestly me.

Riley Reyes

RIle Reyes

Riley Reyes for HardX

I approached Riley Reyes on the AVN Expo floor during her meet-and-greet hours with fans. Her shy smile was a welcoming beacon to me and everyone else walking by. When we started talking, though, I could immediately see her still waters run deep. As an activist who serves as the Vice President of the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee (APAC), Riley’s adult career is centered around defending the rights and safety of her fellow performers. Her passion for cooperation is evident in the way she conducts her personal relationships, too. I got to hear heartwarming details about Riley’s life at home and discuss some sexy scene experiences, but as with all of my conversations, this one ended with us talking about the cartoons that make us ugly-cry.

ESME: So, was porn an industry you sought out, or did you happen upon it?

RILEY REYES: I went looking for it. I thought it sounded like a lot of fun.

E: Were you in a relationship when you started?

RR: Yes, I was in several relationships when I started because I’m polyamorous.

E: Nice.

RR: And one of those relationships is still going!

E: Cool!

RR: So, she and I have been together about five years, going on six.

E: Aww, that’s awesome. Congratulations.

RR: Thank you!

E: So, how does non-monogamy in your professional life shape your personal relationships?

RR: I was already sort of a non-monogamous, polyamorous person, so doing sex for work didn’t really change much in my personal landscape, besides that I’m tired a lot more and end up having a lot more sensual contact in my personal life. I go to way fewer sex parties.

E: I can understand that. You’ve been polyamorous a while, so what do you think are the best things about having multiple partners, and what are some of the challenges?

RR: The best thing about having multiple partners is that you literally have a village. You have people to fulfill different needs or share different interests with you, and you can all support one another in sort of a family unit. So if one person’s down, they have multiple folks to help pick them back up. And I think that’s really beautiful.

Interview With Karla Lane

Karla Lane & Tommy Pistol for Pure Taboo

I tracked down Karla Lane at the AdultTime booth for AVN Expo, just as she had finishing her signing for the day. Karla is an outstanding sweetheart among the many kind people I met that week. Her easy nature and beaming smile quickly made me feel like an old friend. I’m not alone- Karla calls herself “Your digital GF for 14 years” on her Twitter and she really embodies that role. Her genuine love and appreciation for the people who came to see her at the booth was evident in every warm hug she gave out. Longtime fans, as well as scores of performers, were thrilled to reunite with her and soak up some of that glow. I was happy to steal it for a brief moment and get to talk polyamory, feathered dinosaurs and other f-words with my favorite girl next door.

ESME: Thank you so much for talking to me! I’m always interested in first beginnings. Was porn an industry you sought out, or did you happen upon it?

KARLA LANE: I sought it out even before I was even supposed to seek it out. I started a day after my eighteenth birthday, so there had to be a little more research done before that. I don’t know, I’ve always just liked porn! I lived in L.A., I knew what it was about. It wasn’t like a foreign concept.

E: Were you in a relationship when you started?

KL: Yes! I was with my then boyfriend, now husband of 11 years. 

E: Oh, wow!

KL: So he was always my biggest supporter- he’s still my biggest supporter. We’re in a poly relationship, so right now I’m literally looking at my boyfriend while my husband’s driving here from L.A. Teamwork!

E: And you talked to Nighthawk, who’s my boyfriend, about our poly relationship- we’re in the same boat! 

KL: I love it!

E: So how does non-monogamy in your professional life shape your personal relationships?

KL: It gives me more flexibility. Sometimes it gets a little more difficult, because you have to have everybody’s permission, like, “Hey, is it okay to do this on camera?” And it might be okay with A or B, but C may be like, “ix-nay!” So, it’s kind of a balancing act.

E: Okay, interesting. How would you describe your aesthetic and how you approach sex in your scenes?

KL: Very much “the girl next door.” I want it to be so any girl that’s walking through this convention can feel she can be doing the same thing- in her relationships, with her partners. And that it isn’t a foreign concept to see the girl on top, or reverse, or going down. We’re so used to seeing the smaller performers go all butt-crazy, why is it so “off” to see a plus-size or curvier girl do the same thing? If they can do it, I can do it too…and sometimes I can do it a little better! All I’m saying is I’m working that confidence.

E: Yeah! That’s great. What’s a scene you’ve done that you think showcases who you are or the reasons you got into the industry?

KL: Probably the scene I’m going to be shooting in a few weeks. We’re shooting a new project for AdultTime’s series “Shape of Beauty” and I’m going to be performing with two of my good friends, one of whom is this handsome guy with amazing abs. I’m excited because we are able to build everything from the ground up. It’s exciting to see that our wardrobe, our looks, our creation, our setup is all under our control and what we find sexy. We’re basically going to use him as a human sex doll. 

Cadence Lux

Cadence

Cadence Lux at the AdultTime booth at AVN

Meeting Cadence Lux for the first time was a pretty dazzling experience. I was already a big fan of her frank weirdness and wit on Twitter. She has the type of snarky, laid-back personality that I love to be around, whether for a wild night out or an epic bitching and wine session on the couch. As it so happened, she was sipping champagne from a recent group appearance at the Vixen/Blacked/TUSHY booth at the AVN Expo when she wandered to the AdultTime booth, where I  was posted up. Cadence was flush with excitement from the hectic convention, surrounded by fans who clearly appreciate what she does- and in the midst of that hype, she was genuinely stoked to talk to me about why she loves her job.

ESME: Thanks for your time, I know you’re busy today! The first thing I want to know is, did you get your start in porn by seeking it out, or did you happen upon it?

CADENCE LUX: To be honest with you, I always said I wanted to shoot porn before I died. So, part of me sought it out, but it kind of fell into my lap. So I would say it’s 50/50, I always wanted to shoot porn, but it just happened to be the correct time, if that makes sense.

E: Yeah! Nice! So were you in a relationship when you started?

CL: When I started, no, I was not. I was single when I started.

E: Okay. How does non-monogamy in your professional life shape your personal relationships?

CL: Honestly, my last relationship was monogamous outside of my job. So I only had sex with other men for money, and he didn’t have sex with any other girls. It worked out great. I think it just comes down to the partner.

E: Definitely. So, how would you describe your aesthetic and how you approach sex in your scenes?

CL: I want people to fuck the soul out of me, and I want to fuck your soul. I don’t wanna lick your pussy, I want you to feel me when we leave. I want you to remember me. I don’t want some stupid bullshit girl-girl or boy-girl- like, if people don’t make eye contact with me, and fuck me the way I want, they’re on my no list. So for me, I’m a chemistry-based performer all day.

Non-Monogamy Q&A with Kayden Kross

As a long time adult entertainment professional, I’ve gone through different phases of monogamous and non-monogamous relationships, sometimes dictated by my work and other times as a matter of personal choice. Each of those relationships have looked a bit different and ultimately the boundaries and rules have been specific to each partner. I  decided to

In Those Moments

In my experience when you read about poly relationships, people tend to cast it all in one light; it’s always either the greatest or the hardest thing that they’ve ever done. The truth is it’s a bit of  both and often at the same time. There is a lot of struggle but there is also a lot of reward if you can be patient even when it isn’t easy to be (and it often isn’t). Anyone that tells you that it’s easier than (or less of) a commitment than monogamy is misleading you; the struggles are different but they aren’t less and they are quite often more complicated.

We are all full of moving parts and the number of them that have to work together to keep everyone feeling fulfilled grows with each new addition to a polycule. It’s easy to think of only your own part of a relationship by default, but in order to maintain healthy boundaries and balance, you have to be aware of your needs, your partners needs and often their partners needs.

My time with Maeve has been filled with so many wonderful moments and some really difficult ones as well. Learning to balance needs and expectations in a new non-monogamous relationship has been a challenge for everyone involved and at times we’ve all alternately shined or failed. I’ve illustrated some of those moments below in hopes of giving a more balanced and realistic view of what struggles and triumphs poly life can bring.

Sitting on the floor of the hotel suite at the sex party the day we met; I wanted to kiss her on the forehead as she laid curled up in the chair falling asleep. Everyone else around us was still circling looking for sex and I just wanted to pull her up on to my lap and hold her as she dozed off. I  hadn’t slept with anyone that night and whenever she walked into the room, I  couldn’t help but look her way. This is the first moment in a long time I’d felt a real want for someone and it caught me off guard.

On our first date when she invited herself in and we fell asleep having fooled around but not fucked. The next morning we woke early and did sleep together and it was even better for having waited the night. Before she went home to Quinn I told her that I hoped that I could see her again. This is the first moment that I realized that I didn’t just want something casual with her, I wanted to date her non-monogamously.

Driving through the smokey mountains together, I told her things about myself that were deeply intimate and that some other girlfriends/partners had taken issue with in the past, particularly things about my work in adult entertainment. We talked about scenes I’d performed in and the people that I performed with and it was the first time in a long time a partner asked me questions with a sincere interest and not just morbid curiosity. This is the moment that I realized that I didn’t have to compartmentalize who I am with Maeve.

We walked through the isles of the leather shop that I’d frequented in my impressionable youth and we found a red leather posture collar with black piping on it. I told Maeve to lift her hair and turn around and when she did, I buckled the collar, making sure that it was a good fit. She turned around and I grabbed the ring, watching the flicker of  excitement crawl across her face as she looked deep into my eyes. This is the first moment that I felt like we were really committing to something long term. We’d been living in the moment up until then and spoke of future plans, but that moment felt like the promise of a tomorrow together. 

We sat there in the August warmth on a wooden bench, listening to the Celtic band playing music in the makeshift outdoor tavern. She had one foot up on the bench in front of us and when her leg poked out from beneath her dress, I ran my fingers along her soft skin. “I want to go to Edinburgh with you!” she said excitedly and I  realized that I wanted to go everywhere with her. She looked at me with those bright eyes and I thought ‘oh fuck’. This is the moment that I knew beyond a doubt that I was in love with her.

On the plane on the way home from our road trip she curled up on me and slept. I  ran my fingers through her hair and breathed her in as I  planted little kisses on the top of her head. She’d asked earlier in the day “”How are we going to make this work when we get home? We both have such busy lives!”. I’d reassured her in the moment, but holding her on the plane, I  was worried that seeing each other would be hard. She had another partner that she lived with (Quinn) and we both had a lot of travel coming up; I knew I  wanted to see her as much as I could but I wasn’t sure how much would be possible or how to reconcile that with what I    wanted from this very new relationship with her.  This is the first moment that I saw and felt the edges and limits of our relationship.

Hellos & Goodbyes

I’d slept for just a little over an hour in two days when I got home from my trip and Emma’s going away party was planned for just a few hours after my touchdown. I was in a haze as I spoke to the woman next to me on the plane, collecting my bags, as I climbed in a cab to go back to my apartment.

When I got home, I emptied my suitcase and started a load of laundry, counting the number of minutes before I’d have to leave again. I had just enough time to shut my eyes for half of an hour and laying across my bed in the afternoon sun, I fell asleep fast and hard. I hit snooze twice when my alarm went off and then forced myself out of bed and into the shower, where I found that my hot water heater was out again. The spray of cold water helped wake me up as I shivered and washed away the feeling of airports and travel.

Emma texted me that she was running late and that she’d meet me at my apartment on the way to Daniels so we could go together from there. We grabbed a cab and caught up on the way, not having seen each other in a week.

We’d been seeing each other non-monogamously for a few months and her going away party was being thrown by one of her partners; this was the first time we were to all spending time together, though I’d met Daniel on one other occasion and his partner Harper on another.

Non-Monogamy Q&A with Sailor Luna and Sofie Marie

For the second installment of my ‘Non-Monogamy Q&A‘ series with adult performers, I     interviewed Sailor Luna and Sofie Marie . Both are adult performer who you may have seen on sites like EvilAngel or Reality Junkies

Were you monogamous or non monogamous prior to working in adult?

Sailor Luna: I think before porn I was both but at different times. I’d have monogamous relationships but In between those I would sometimes have multiple partners.
Sometimes they knew of each other and others didn’t.

Sofie Marie: I was very monogamous and not that into sex, and I had had just 2 long term relationships, and literally a couple of other boyfriends I call the “3 monthers” (relationships that lasted three months). I didn’t even know what swinging was until I met the man that I am now married to now! Now I love sex, and I have had a “few” more partners!

What impact has working in adult had on your relationships one way or another?

Sailor Luna: It’s affected a lot of my relationships but not always negatively. The people I least expected to left me high and dry and others were just really cruel. So now my romantic partners are in the adult industry and I have good friends inside and outside the industry that genuinely love me. I’m lucky enough to have a good relationship with my parents and extended family
But only my parents know about my career choice. We talk everyday.

Sofie Marie: My husband has been in the “lifestyle” (swinging) for many years, and we
took my sexual exploration and discovery really slowly, at my pace. By the time I decided to start doing adult, I had been a bikini model… then nude model, and a sometime swinger. So I would have to say, doing adult has had no change in my attitude or relationship at all, except to make it all more fun!

Do you experience jealousy with partners? If so, how do you deal with it?

Sailor Luna: Actually it probably sounds like a lie but I don’t have to deal with too much jealousy at all, it mostly comes from me but I don’t really act on it. I just feel it and let it go. I’m really happy with the roughly two partners I have now.

Sofie Marie: My husband taught me that jealousy is a feeling, based upon our own insecurities, not the other person’s behavior. I have no need for jealousy in our relationship. Since my marriage is rock solid and we respect and love each other; so sex can be just sex!

How do you deal with jealousy from your partners about people you work with or are otherwise involved with?

Sailor Luna: They are both really cool and we all I think kind of do our own thing to an extent so there’s a lot of independence. However I feel very close to both of them and other “less serious” partners i have.

Sofie Marie: We don’t seem to have a “jealousy” issue in my adult work, but I do see jealousy in the swinger community, and we shy away from all of that drama.

What appeals to you the most about non monogamy?

Sailor Luna: That I am not putting all of my needs on to one person. I have a lot of feelings and issues, it can be super overwhelming and I think I’m doing everyone a favor by talking about with a lot of my friends.

Sofie Marie: The adventure and variety force me to experience new and sometimes
uncomfortable things, and those experiences have made me grow as a person, lover, partner, and performer. I have to get out of my sweats into lingerie! I love my job and it requires LOTS of partners!!

 

What does your ideal relationship look like?

Sailor Luna: I guess my ideal relationship is the one I have now maybe? I am in an open relationship with two people and one of them lives out of town so that’s easy for me to give him my attention when we are together because it doesn’t happen often. My other main partner lives near me and we see each other almost every day and he’s really just easy going. I let him know he’s free to do as he wants and i wouldn’t be mad. He tells me when he fools around with other girls off camera or when they go out. It’s nice really because then I can get to know a girl and maybe even make friends, i know his needs are being met, he’s happy and satisfied with his life, his career. He is making friends and other healthy relationships that will make him feel loved and cared for etc. etc. I suppose anyone else outside of that is just very casual and not really a “relationship” and mostly just friends or “fuck buddies”.
Another ideal relationship would be to have a girlfriend as my main partner and then we could both fuck other men and women, together or alone. Everyone I am with is free to make as many relationships as they want, serious or not serious. As long as they are happy and taken care of, I am happy.

10 Questions With Abella Danger

Abella Danger for LesbianX.com

1. How long have you been in the industry? I shot my first scene in July 2014, I shot five from July to August just with my ex boyfriend then in September of that year I became a Spiegler girl and officially started shooting every day consistently.

2. What sites would we most likely know you from? I mean, besides being the AVN Best New Starlet of 2017? I would say Girlsway, PureTaboo, Hard X, EvilAngel, and JulesJordan .

3. Was porn an industry you sought out, or did you happen upon it?
Porn definitely found me haha, but it was an instant match

4. Were you in a relationship when you started?
Yes, the person I shot my first five scenes with was my boyfriend at the time of filming and before I ever shot.

5. How does the fact that being non-monogamous is part of the territory for work in adult entertainment factor into your relationships?
It actually limited my choices a lot, most men (at least the ones I’ve met) have found it almost impossible to fathom the idea of other men inside me multiple times a week, especially knowing how much I genuinely do enjoy it. It’s almost hard for them to want to deal with because so many woman exist in the world who would never put them in such a predicament. But then again I’m not a man so I don’t know, I barely understand myself sometimes.