Riley Reyes

RIle Reyes

Riley Reyes for HardX

I approached Riley Reyes on the AVN Expo floor during her meet-and-greet hours with fans. Her shy smile was a welcoming beacon to me and everyone else walking by. When we started talking, though, I could immediately see her still waters run deep. As an activist who serves as the Vice President of the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee (APAC), Riley’s adult career is centered around defending the rights and safety of her fellow performers. Her passion for cooperation is evident in the way she conducts her personal relationships, too. I got to hear heartwarming details about Riley’s life at home and discuss some sexy scene experiences, but as with all of my conversations, this one ended with us talking about the cartoons that make us ugly-cry.

ESME: So, was porn an industry you sought out, or did you happen upon it?

RILEY REYES: I went looking for it. I thought it sounded like a lot of fun.

E: Were you in a relationship when you started?

RR: Yes, I was in several relationships when I started because I’m polyamorous.

E: Nice.

RR: And one of those relationships is still going!

E: Cool!

RR: So, she and I have been together about five years, going on six.

E: Aww, that’s awesome. Congratulations.

RR: Thank you!

E: So, how does non-monogamy in your professional life shape your personal relationships?

RR: I was already sort of a non-monogamous, polyamorous person, so doing sex for work didn’t really change much in my personal landscape, besides that I’m tired a lot more and end up having a lot more sensual contact in my personal life. I go to way fewer sex parties.

E: I can understand that. You’ve been polyamorous a while, so what do you think are the best things about having multiple partners, and what are some of the challenges?

RR: The best thing about having multiple partners is that you literally have a village. You have people to fulfill different needs or share different interests with you, and you can all support one another in sort of a family unit. So if one person’s down, they have multiple folks to help pick them back up. And I think that’s really beautiful.

Interview With Karla Lane

I tracked down Karla Lane at the AdultTime booth for AVN Expo, just as she had finishing her signing for the day. Karla is an outstanding sweetheart among the many kind people I met that week. Her easy nature and beaming smile quickly made me feel like an old friend. I’m not alone- Karla calls herself “Your digital GF for 14 years” on her Twitter and she really embodies that role. Her genuine love and appreciation for the people who came to see her at the booth was evident in every warm hug she gave out. Longtime fans, as well as scores of performers, were thrilled to reunite with her and soak up some of that glow. I was happy to steal it for a brief moment and get to talk polyamory, feathered dinosaurs and other f-words with my favorite girl next door.

ESME: Thank you so much for talking to me! I’m always interested in first beginnings. Was porn an industry you sought out, or did you happen upon it?

KARLA LANE: I sought it out even before I was even supposed to seek it out. I started a day after my eighteenth birthday, so there had to be a little more research done before that. I don’t know, I’ve always just liked porn! I lived in L.A., I knew what it was about. It wasn’t like a foreign concept.

E: Were you in a relationship when you started?

KL: Yes! I was with my then boyfriend, now husband of 11 years. 

E: Oh, wow!

KL: So he was always my biggest supporter- he’s still my biggest supporter. We’re in a poly relationship, so right now I’m literally looking at my boyfriend while my husband’s driving here from L.A. Teamwork!

E: And you talked to Nighthawk, who’s my boyfriend, about our poly relationship- we’re in the same boat! 

KL: I love it!

E: So how does non-monogamy in your professional life shape your personal relationships?

KL: It gives me more flexibility. Sometimes it gets a little more difficult, because you have to have everybody’s permission, like, “Hey, is it okay to do this on camera?” And it might be okay with A or B, but C may be like, “ix-nay!” So, it’s kind of a balancing act.

E: Okay, interesting. How would you describe your aesthetic and how you approach sex in your scenes?

KL: Very much “the girl next door.” I want it to be so any girl that’s walking through this convention can feel she can be doing the same thing- in her relationships, with her partners. And that it isn’t a foreign concept to see the girl on top, or reverse, or going down. We’re so used to seeing the smaller performers go all butt-crazy, why is it so “off” to see a plus-size or curvier girl do the same thing? If they can do it, I can do it too…and sometimes I can do it a little better! All I’m saying is I’m working that confidence.

E: Yeah! That’s great. What’s a scene you’ve done that you think showcases who you are or the reasons you got into the industry?

KL: Probably the scene I’m going to be shooting in a few weeks. We’re shooting a new project for AdultTime’s series “Shape of Beauty” and I’m going to be performing with two of my good friends, one of whom is this handsome guy with amazing abs. I’m excited because we are able to build everything from the ground up. It’s exciting to see that our wardrobe, our looks, our creation, our setup is all under our control and what we find sexy. We’re basically going to use him as a human sex doll. 

Non-Monogamy Q&A with Kayden Kross

As a long time adult entertainment professional, I’ve gone through different phases of monogamous and non-monogamous relationships, sometimes dictated by my work and other times as a matter of personal choice. Each of those relationships have looked a bit different and ultimately the boundaries and rules have been specific to each partner. I  decided to

In Those Moments

In my experience when you read about poly relationships, people tend to cast it all in one light; it’s always either the greatest or the hardest thing that they’ve ever done. The truth is it’s a bit of  both and often at the same time. There is a lot of struggle but there is also a lot of reward if you can be patient even when it isn’t easy to be (and it often isn’t). Anyone that tells you that it’s easier than (or less of) a commitment than monogamy is misleading you; the struggles are different but they aren’t less and they are quite often more complicated.

We are all full of moving parts and the number of them that have to work together to keep everyone feeling fulfilled grows with each new addition to a polycule. It’s easy to think of only your own part of a relationship by default, but in order to maintain healthy boundaries and balance, you have to be aware of your needs, your partners needs and often their partners needs.

My time with Maeve has been filled with so many wonderful moments and some really difficult ones as well. Learning to balance needs and expectations in a new non-monogamous relationship has been a challenge for everyone involved and at times we’ve all alternately shined or failed. I’ve illustrated some of those moments below in hopes of giving a more balanced and realistic view of what struggles and triumphs poly life can bring.

Sitting on the floor of the hotel suite at the sex party the day we met; I wanted to kiss her on the forehead as she laid curled up in the chair falling asleep. Everyone else around us was still circling looking for sex and I just wanted to pull her up on to my lap and hold her as she dozed off. I  hadn’t slept with anyone that night and whenever she walked into the room, I  couldn’t help but look her way. This is the first moment in a long time I’d felt a real want for someone and it caught me off guard.

On our first date when she invited herself in and we fell asleep having fooled around but not fucked. The next morning we woke early and did sleep together and it was even better for having waited the night. Before she went home to Quinn I told her that I hoped that I could see her again. This is the first moment that I realized that I didn’t just want something casual with her, I wanted to date her non-monogamously.

Driving through the smokey mountains together, I told her things about myself that were deeply intimate and that some other girlfriends/partners had taken issue with in the past, particularly things about my work in adult entertainment. We talked about scenes I’d performed in and the people that I performed with and it was the first time in a long time a partner asked me questions with a sincere interest and not just morbid curiosity. This is the moment that I realized that I didn’t have to compartmentalize who I am with Maeve.

We walked through the isles of the leather shop that I’d frequented in my impressionable youth and we found a red leather posture collar with black piping on it. I told Maeve to lift her hair and turn around and when she did, I buckled the collar, making sure that it was a good fit. She turned around and I grabbed the ring, watching the flicker of  excitement crawl across her face as she looked deep into my eyes. This is the first moment that I felt like we were really committing to something long term. We’d been living in the moment up until then and spoke of future plans, but that moment felt like the promise of a tomorrow together. 

We sat there in the August warmth on a wooden bench, listening to the Celtic band playing music in the makeshift outdoor tavern. She had one foot up on the bench in front of us and when her leg poked out from beneath her dress, I ran my fingers along her soft skin. “I want to go to Edinburgh with you!” she said excitedly and I  realized that I wanted to go everywhere with her. She looked at me with those bright eyes and I thought ‘oh fuck’. This is the moment that I knew beyond a doubt that I was in love with her.

On the plane on the way home from our road trip she curled up on me and slept. I  ran my fingers through her hair and breathed her in as I  planted little kisses on the top of her head. She’d asked earlier in the day “”How are we going to make this work when we get home? We both have such busy lives!”. I’d reassured her in the moment, but holding her on the plane, I  was worried that seeing each other would be hard. She had another partner that she lived with (Quinn) and we both had a lot of travel coming up; I knew I  wanted to see her as much as I could but I wasn’t sure how much would be possible or how to reconcile that with what I    wanted from this very new relationship with her.  This is the first moment that I saw and felt the edges and limits of our relationship.

Hellos & Goodbyes

I’d slept for just a little over an hour in two days when I got home from my trip and Emma’s going away party was planned for just a few hours after my touchdown. I was in a haze as I spoke to the woman next to me on the plane, collecting my bags, as I climbed in a cab to go back to my apartment.

When I got home, I emptied my suitcase and started a load of laundry, counting the number of minutes before I’d have to leave again. I had just enough time to shut my eyes for half of an hour and laying across my bed in the afternoon sun, I fell asleep fast and hard. I hit snooze twice when my alarm went off and then forced myself out of bed and into the shower, where I found that my hot water heater was out again. The spray of cold water helped wake me up as I shivered and washed away the feeling of airports and travel.

Emma texted me that she was running late and that she’d meet me at my apartment on the way to Daniels so we could go together from there. We grabbed a cab and caught up on the way, not having seen each other in a week.

We’d been seeing each other non-monogamously for a few months and her going away party was being thrown by one of her partners; this was the first time we were to all spending time together, though I’d met Daniel on one other occasion and his partner Harper on another.